One of the first signs I can recall that I was putting too much pressure on myself was when I was a kid.
I wanted so desperately to be athletic like my siblings. They all played sports, won games, medals, and trophies. They were cheered by their teammates, the people in the stands, and sometimes garnered some local media attention.
Unfortunately, I was slow, lacked a competitive edge, and had no desire to practice any athletic skill for hours on end. I also didn’t find it motivating to be yelled at by an adult, almost always with an audience watching.
I wasn’t a lazy or inactive kid. I raced Bigwheels and tempted fate on unstable, homemade bike ramps with my friends.
My natural strengths turned out to be more cerebral than physical. I developed an obsession with reading, writing, and taking any painting class my mom could find.
My A-Ha Moment That Led to Less Pressure
My lack of athletic prowess nagged at me well into my twenties until I was working with a mentor on developing career goals for myself. I remember talking to her about all of the pressure I felt trying to achieve what my colleagues were, and wanting similar success for myself.
“Why would you want to do the same thing, the same way as everyone else? How will that help you stand out and make you feel special?” she asked.
You know how someone makes a comment or asks you a question that upends everything you thought you knew about yourself or what you wanted? This was that question for me.
I realized in that moment I was putting too much pressure on myself to do and achieve other people’s goals. The reason nothing came to me naturally or ever felt like it fit is because those goals and dreams weren’t mine.
The pressure you put on yourself comes from fixating on an “ideal” situation. This “ideal” has developed quietly over the years in the back of your mind, while guiding your decision-making. These ideals came from:
- Our experiences in the world
- Our parents
- The environment we spend the most time in
- Unrealistic expectations and standards
- Comparing ourselves to others
5 Behaviors That Are Signs You Put Too Much Pressure On Yourself
We put a lot of self-inflicted pressure on our lives. We need some of it to get and stay motivated, but we don’t seem to notice when we’ve gone off the rails. It’s not our fault because the ideals that fuel our pressure came about silently and sit in the back of our minds silently directing traffic and decision-making.
That pressure doesn’t come to the front of your mind until you hit a brick wall hard enough to make it next to impossible to get back up again.
First, let’s talk about the five behaviors that are signs you put too much pressure on yourself. Those behaviors include:
- Allowing your failures to stop you from trying: Everyone fails at something. No one can be good at everything they do. When you allow a fear of failure to stop you from trying something new or different, you aren’t allowing yourself a chance to let your natural strengths and talents shine. Success requires a certain amount of risk-taking. Staying in your comfort zone and adhering to limits you set for yourself usually results in stagnation, frustration, and… failure. You are failing to allow yourself to grow.
- Thinking or believing you’re not good enough: Many of us are terrible at extending compassion to ourselves. Your negative self-talk or inner critic say things to you that you would never say to a good friend or a trusted colleague. Just because the world gets its energy from negativity doesn’t mean that you need to constantly berate yourself. We live in a culture that profits from self-doubt. Do something different by rebelling and believing in yourself.
- Feeling stressed all of the time: Stress and worry don’t solve any of our problems. In fact, they only create more stress and anxiety that prohibits us from thinking clearly, good decision-making, and feeling confident in our own abilities. It keeps you fixated on your flaws or mistakes. Relieve some stress by deciding that you won’t give in to your rabbit holes of worry. And, instead, focus on what you can and want to do.
- Having unrealistic expectations: Unrealistic expectations and standards come from the pressure you put on yourself. And, when you don’t meet them, you usually spiral into a pit of shame. This becomes a vicious, negative cycle fueled by anger that makes you believe you need to put more effort into meeting expectations that are impractical.
- Always wanting more: There is nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself, until you lose sight of what is good and going right in your life. Focusing solely on what you don’t or can’t have only breeds more discontent and anger. If you never feel satisfied with your life, you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Figure out what is fueling this dissatisfaction. Are you constantly comparing yourself to others?
See? Other than stress, there aren’t really any physical indicators or blaring sirens that tell you that your pot is about to boil over.
It Will Take Vulnerability to Stop Putting So Much Pressure On Yourself
Learning to stop putting so much pressure on yourself takes some vulnerability. You need to come with an attitude of curiosity about your true needs and wants, without judgement. Give yourself permission to explore and try something different or unexpected. (If you’re having trouble giving yourself permission, I grant thee permission to learn something new, make mistakes, and explore the depths of your soul.)
Letting go of old habits and mindsets can be scary because we know what to expect from our old ways. This new stuff, the unknown, means you have to trust yourself.
Challenging your own status quo is not only healthy, but can cause a personal growth spurt that relieves you of some of the pressure you put on yourself. This relief happens because you are seeing things differently, changing your priorities, and you may not feel that certain qualities or standards are all that important anymore or out of alignment with who you want to be.
How to Turn Down the Pressure
If you are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself, try the answering the following three questions to find its source and start working toward a less stressful solution:
- Is this something I really want to do? Where does my motivation come from to do this thing?
If most of your motivation comes from external sources, that’s a big red flag.
- If I do this thing, what logically comes next? And, do I want that next thing?
When you don’t see the point of doing something, you will likely feel pressure and resentment if you continue down this path. This is your queue to exit.
- What do I really want out of my life?
This is a question that is overwhelming to most, so you don’t answer it. And, not answering it is what leads you to living in a pressure cooker. It’s easier to assume the ideals and expectations that seem to be working for other people – until it’s not. Get curious about your life and your future. Top of Form
