The Confession Nobody Talks About
Unbeknownst to most people, I used to hate my business.
I hated that it had taken over my life.
I hated that it never allowed me to sleep or take a break.
Most of all, I hated managing employees.
When I began my first business that required employees, I was unprepared for how much time I would spend solving their problems rather than what I perceived to be more important work.
What I did not understand about myself at the time is that I am not built to manage employees. However, I am great at so many other things that running a business entails.
The first time I admitted to this, I was shunned. Some of the people I had spoken these words to told me that I should not own a business and/or ever say any of this aloud again.
My mistake was talking about this without fully understanding my thoughts and feelings, nor expressing myself to a supportive audience. It sounded like I was bitter and burned out because I was too dumb to recognize that being a business owner meant managing employees.
Why We Start to Hate What We Built
I was bitter and burned out, and I had every right to not enjoy managing employees. It’s legal, ya know, to have feelings and get tired.
The biggest reasons I hated managing employees:
- It sucked up so much time and energy.
- I felt like I was repeating myself, especially having to repeat common sense information.
- I found it hard to trust others.
What I later learned, thanks to the CliftonStrengths personality assessment, is that the strengths (skills) needed to manage employees effectively were not in my wheelhouse – and they never would be.
Learning this changed everything about how I ran my business, how I interacted with employees, and was one of the catalysts to recovering from burnout and staying sane today.
There are so many reasons business owners begin to hate the business they built. The reasons I hear most often from clients:
- Perfectionism (unrealistic expectations and standards)
- People-pleasing (inability to say no, lack of boundaries)
- Feeling trapped (fear the change required)
- Decision fatigue (lack of boundaries and systems)
- Mismatch between their vision and daily reality (thanks social media)
Do You Know Why You Actually Hate Your Business?
So many women business owners (myself included) go through a phase where you hate your business. You question your sanity, your ability to carry on, and struggle with feelings of failure – no matter how successful your business is.
Business ownership is made out to be this glamorous, easy journey. Thanks to Hustle Culture and all of the lying done on social media about the day-to-day reality of running a business, so many business owners interpret that as a failure on their part.
Hustle Culture and social media don’t show the realistic blood, sweat or tears. You’re bamboozled with toxic expectations and rarely (if ever) told the whole story. You are only shown what preys upon your fears, to sell ideas that will nearly always keep you believing that you’re never enough.
The media doesn’t cover the reality of business ownership either. They don’t discuss the isolation, the sexism or how often you are going to pick yourself up off of the floor. If these things are ever mentioned, they are couched as “what losers do.”
There is a culture of secrecy that surrounds us. The pressure to exude and only talk about success leads most to never really explore why they are actually frustrated. You only see what isn’t working or isn’t right, then interpret it as a personal failure.
None of this is helpful to you. It only deepens your fear and stress.
There are five questions I ask my clients to explore before burning it all down:
- Do I hate the mission or just the broken systems?
- Am I hating the business or hating what it’s become?
- Is it overwhelm or am I outgrowing the business?
- What parts still feel alive? Where is the spark?
- What parts do I dread or make me feel angry?
In less than 15 minutes, most of my clients realize they are not a failure and the reason they hate their business can be fixed.
When I figured out why I hated my business, it was a mixture of relief and “how could I have fucked this up so bad?”
Paths Forward: Reframe, Rebuild, or Release
Based on your answers to the five questions above, you will:
- Reframe: Reset your expectations, enforce boundaries
- Rebuild: Redesign your business model or operations
- Release: Let go (sell, close, or partner)
And, when you settle on an option, do so without shame.
What I share with my clients when they express feelings of shame or failure: It’s noble to acknowledge what needs to change. The people who judge your choices are likely struggling with their own feelings of inadequacy. Fuck ‘em.
In my case, the options that were best for me were to Reframe and Rebuild. I don’t have to do it all or be good at it all. (Reframe) One of the most important hires I now make is the person who manages employees. It’s their strength and they enjoy it. (Rebuild)
If you decide the best thing for you is to sell or close your business, do so with the confidence that you asked yourself the right questions to make the best decision for you. You didn’t fail – you closed a door so that you could open the door to new opportunities. This isn’t toxic positivity, it’s the truth. You need to take the steps that will allow you to take advantage of what’s next.
If you’re still keeping yourself busy with a business that you hate, you can’t fully focus on anything else.
If this post hits a little too close to home… good. That means you’re ready to do something about it.
If you’re not sure where to start rebuilding or even where to begin sorting your thoughts, The Triumphs Toolkit was made for you. It gives you clarity, sanity-saving strategies, and a system to rebuild your mental strength while navigating burnout or business regret.
Because running a business shouldn’t mean running yourself into the ground.
Check it out here The Triumphs Toolkit and take the next right step for you — no shame required.
