Not to be an alarmist, but I am one purse strap caught on a door handle away from a meltdown.
In a few short months, I’ll be 50. And I feel wildly unprepared.
So, I did what any other rational, nearly 50-year-old woman would do: I Googled “wtf I’m 50.”
The results? Useless. Apparently, only men hit midlife crises. Women? Crickets.
Luckily, I’ve been blessed with the magical combo of procrastination and research skills, so I fell down the rabbit hole guilt-free. Along the way, I found Ada Calhoun’s book Why We Can’t Sleep.
Finally! Validation! The confusion, the stress, the low-grade hum of exhaustion — it all has a name.
No Wonder We’re Unprepared
I’m part of Generation X. Oh right, us — the forgotten middle child of generations.
Boomers got the glory. Millennials got the spotlight. GenX? We got overlooked, ignored, and told to figure it out ourselves.
We grew up latchkey kids, coming home to empty houses while our moms worked. Independence was our default.
Complaining? Off the table. The message was clear: I did it, you should too.
And we did. We became Title IX babies — first in our families to go to college, start careers, wait on marriage and kids. We hustled for the opportunities our mothers fought for. But the trade-off? Bigger expectations, fewer excuses, and the crushing belief that if we weren’t happy, it was our fault.
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GenX Women Don’t Whine. We Cope.
My own burnout is proof.
When I was struggling as a new business owner, I didn’t tell a soul. Asking for help felt like weakness. So, I worked around the clock, trying to prove I deserved success. Breaks? Only after the work was done — which meant never.
This is what coping looks like: silence, self-reliance, and suffering. Basically turning to your default setting of quietly cracking while looking “fine.”
Calhoun calls it Generation X’s Midlife Crisis.
And, if this is the first you’re hearing about it, don’t be surprised. GenX women haven’t exactly flocked to social media to tell all, regardless of how liberating or validating younger generations made it look.
Why Self-Care & Pep Talks Sound Like BS
We came of age in the era of VHS fitness tapes, spandex, and diet culture. Jane Fonda told us to keep moving. Richard Simmons told us to sweat. And every failure was more proof that outside help didn’t work.
No wonder we side-eye self-care advice. “Meditate more. Smile more. Find balance.” The same guidance women are given for everything from period pain to perimenopause to burnout. Light a candle, take a bubble bath, and poof — patriarchy solved.
As I tell my clients, stress isn’t just in your head. It’s cultural, systemic, and physical. Pep talks won’t lower cortisol. Candles won’t reset your nervous system.
Midlife Mental Load & Rebellion
So here I sit, nearly 50, batting around this midlife mental load.
The conclusion? The same empty advice keeps coming back that shrink our problems down until they’re pink, quiet, and flowery.
I’m calling bullsh*t.
GenX women don’t need more pep talks. We need rebellion. We need mental strength which can look like:
- Saying “hell no” to what drains us.
- Dropping the invisible labor we never agreed to carry.
- Remembering stress is not a badge of honor. It’s a health hazard.
- Choosing rest without guilt, because burnout is not a personality trait.
I may not be “prepared” for 50 in the traditional sense. But I am absolutely prepared to stop white-knuckling my way through it.
