More than once in my life I have felt like burning everything to the ground and starting over.
When I was severely burned out, it was a fantasy on a daily basis.
Depending on my level of frustration these days, I will still occasionally dream about striking a match and watching it all burn. But towards the end I feel this pang of sadness that I now realize is actually more disappointment about watching so much hard work go to waste.
At the core of all these thoughts and emotions is a need for a life reset.
Why The Urge to Reset Your Life Isn’t Crazy
Sometimes it feels like you are running your butt off on a hamster wheel, but getting nowhere. But how did you get here?
You “used to be” ambitious, adventurous, excited by possibility… but now, the thought of taking a risk or trying something new seems overwhelming. You’ve got bills and kids and responsibilities. Besides, what kind of nutjob throws away a career and a life they worked so hard to build?
A nutjob that’s fallen into one or more of these five traps:
- Fear: Fear of failure, judgement, or making a mistake so big that even your dogs look at you like, “Seriously???” Fear can paralyze decision-making quickly.
- Routine: Routines provide comfort and predictability. Our brains like that – even if something’s not working, the familiarity can be comforting.
- Analysis Paralysis: You ponder and weigh all of the options, consider the pros and cons, and make lists. You get stuck overanalyzing, rather than taking action, and create too many hypothetical scenarios.
- Perfectionism: Perfectionism is like chasing your tail. Fun to watch, but you’re not really getting anywhere. You’re waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect plan, or your head and heart to align.
- Social Comparison: You see the success and happiness of others without having their whole story. You are comparing your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 20, so you feel like you aren’t making any or enough progress.
When you are stuck in one or more of these traps, it’s easy to feel like things aren’t ever going to get better, be more fun, or help you feel fulfilled because these traps are Happiness Killers. They aren’t meant to bring you joy.
Signs You Need to Reset Your Life
The million-dollar question that comes up in my coaching practice: When is it time to give up?
(Although, it often comes in the form of asking when it’s time to quit a job or close a business that seems to be driving them into the ground.)
In all fairness, I don’t see many of you until you’re at your wit’s end. You’re exhausted and literally show up to my office holding a lighter. It’s not the best time to be making drastic decisions.
So, I look for these three things:
- You’re totally fried and burned out: You show all of the classic signs of burnout – fatigue, lack of motivation, fantasizing about living on an island far, far away. You wake up every morning dreading the day ahead and you’ve lost all enthusiasm for a career and business that once sparked joy.
- You’ve become a square peg in a round hole: At first things seemed to fit – like that pair of skinny jeans after a month of spin classes. But now, you feel like you are squeezing yourself into situations, relationships, or roles that no longer serve you. It is taking more effort to stay where you are than to make a change.
- Your personal growth chart resembles a flatline: You are experiencing personal or career stagnation. You’ve stopped growing, learning, or feeling any sense of accomplishment.
Before You Quit…
I understand why the initial reaction people have to burnout is to blame their job and start making moves to quit. So much of your identity and life is connected to what you do professionally.
The truth about the cause of burnout is that it’s often something much deeper. While your job in it’s current iteration may only bring out the worst in you, more often than not, there is a part of your personality, a limiting belief, or damaging habits that are driving your burnout.
Quick story about my burnout: I thought I burned out because of the chronic stress of running a business. Nope. It was my perfectionism, people pleasing, and days spent focused on work that called to my weaknesses, not my strengths.
When I worked on these “quirks” and changed my daily task list and responsibilities to work that focused on my strengths, life became a lot – and I mean A LOT – less stressful.
If I had quit, I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the successful trajectory of my business.
While it’s entirely possible that it is your job driving you into the ground and you need to find a new one, it’s better to make that decision with a clearer mind that’s not clouded by chronic stress and exhaustion. And, for many, their burnout just comes back with a vengeance in their next job.
Get stress management tools delivered to your inbox so you don’t burn it all down.
5 Ways to Start Over Without Burning It All to the Ground
There is some middle ground here. You can dip your toe into change without diving into the pool.
These are five ways to refresh your life without pulling a dramatic exit, worthy of a soap opera cliffhanger.
- Life Audit: List out the various areas of your life – career, relationships, health, hobbies – and rate your satisfaction in each. Be honest and as objective as possible. This will help you pinpoint exactly what needs a reset, as opposed to a complete teardown.
- Swap Skills and Roles: Monotony kills joy. If you know there are responsibilities at work that are killing you, find out if its possible to switch roles or responsibilities. Even if it’s temporary, this can help you figure out where your time and energy are better spent. It may not be where you think! Even explore this in your friendships. If you’re usually the listener, allow yourself to be the talker for a change.
- Revisit or Reset Goals: Sometimes our goals no longer resonate. Take a gander at your life’s “to do” list and ask yourself if your goals are attached to your priorities in life. An even bigger question: are you working toward your goals or someone else’s?
- Master the Art of Saying “No”: The magic word isn’t “please,” it’s “No!” This tiny word can open up big spaces in your life for new opportunities.
- Declutter: I totally need to take my own advice here… But when you are surrounded by crap, that’s all you see. It’s time to clean up your environment. Your house, your digital space, your schedule, and even your social commitments.
What non-destructive ways will you choose to reset?
