As business owners and leaders, we’ve all had to navigate emotional minefields.
But they seem more charged and difficult to navigate when you are battling your own burnout and emotional depletion.
As your employee stands in front of you, pouring their heart out, you teeter between frustration and guilt. You’re frustrated because you’re burned out and barely maintaining your own sanity. Not to mention, you have so much to do.
You don’t have time for this!
Having these thoughts makes you feel guilty because you do care about your employee.
But you don’t have time for this!
As much as you want to hang a “Leave Me the Hell Alone” sign on your door, you’re in charge and you need to de-escalate things as quickly as possible.
While dealing with an emotional employee or an emotionally charged situation may seem like it is adding fuel to your own burnout fire, you can effectively deal with it without totally losing your mind.
You’ve Got to Get Things Under Control
You have likely figured out that it’s important to get emotionally charged situations under control before they escalate.
The key? Using emotional intelligence, a vital skill not just in personal interactions but also in emotional intelligence in business.
Emotional intelligence is the ability recognize, understand, and manage one’s own emotions, as well as to perceive and empathize with the emotions of others. It involves being aware of and effectively handling emotions in yourself and interpersonal interactions.
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The ability to overcome emotionally charged situations helps you make better decisions, and makes you a more likable and trustworthy person.
Basically, when the world is swirling and twirling around you, you don’t lose your shit. You can see others panicking and unable to manage their reaction. However, instead of getting upset, you take a step back, understand why others might be triggered and begin looking for a solution.
This doesn’t mean you don’t panic or get upset. Rather, you understand in the moment, you need to put those thoughts and feelings aside so you can clearly see the problem and solve it. You know you can freak out later in your car with a Dairy Queen Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard.
Emotionally Charged Situations and People
When something or someone is emotionally charged, it means they are experiencing strong, raw, and uninhibited emotions that are difficult to control. Emotionally charged responses can look a lot like a temper tantrum and this uncontrolled release usually follows a trigger.
The trigger could have been dealing with a difficult client, having a disagreement with another employee, or even problems from home that follow them to work. Recognizing these triggers is a fundamental part of emotional intelligence in business.
The trigger basically unplugs a frustration or hurt. Unfortunately, one person’s emotional response can also serve as a trigger for someone else – including you, boss – that can begin a build up of angry words and unchecked emotions.
At best, this can be exhausting for all involved. At worst, it can be damaging to morale, reputations, and business.
How Do You Deal with Other People’s Meltdowns When You Are So Close to Having Your Own?
When you are burned out, you’re already riding your own rollercoaster of emotions.
Let’s be honest: you’re already over everyone and everything. Day-in-and-day-out, not telling the world where they can shove it is at the top of your to-do list.
This is where having emotional intelligence comes in.
Knowing yourself and how you respond under stress helps you determine the best course of action. Even at your most stressed-out moment, you can learn to pause, take a deep breath, and apply logic to your (and others) emotions by asking yourself three quick thoughtful and introspective questions:
- What aspects of this situation can I control?
- What needs to be heard or said?
- Are my words or actions helpful, or am I trying to prove a point?
Logical, honest self-reflection counterbalances highly emotional situations because you are removing your personal feelings. Focusing on facts, not feelings, brings clarity rather than continuing to reignite your stress response.
What typically triggers your stressful, emotional response to their stressful, emotional response is making the situation about you. You allow your mind to take things personally by going down the unhelpful path of worrying about your own workload and being interrupted.
5 Ways to Defuse an Emotionally Charged Person or Situation
Look, I know you would like to become a Zen, compassionate, and patient person overnight. It’s going to take some time to build that habit and response of intellectualizing your emotions.
This is also competing with your own burnout and overwhelm.
There are five strategies, steeped in emotional intelligence in business, that I have found to be super effective for defusing an emotionally charged situation without burning all my precious sanity and energy reserves:
- The Forced Pause: The Forced Pause allows both parties to simmer down without feeling dismissed. Whip out your phone or glance at your computer screen, and announce a faux (or real, if you’re lucky) imminent meeting. Something like, “Hey, I have to jump on a call in a minute, but this is important. Can we continue you this at 3 p.m.?”
Why this works: You’re acknowledging the problem, their feelings, and importance while simultaneously giving everyone room to breathe. By the time you meet, the other party may bring a clearer, less emotional head to the table.
- The Compliment Sandwich: Say something nice, insert your issue or objection, then top it off with another compliment. For example, “I love your enthusiasm, but could we take a step back for a second and revisit the timeline? You’re doing great work, and I want us to be on the same page.”
Why this works: You are disarming them with kindness and understanding. You are telling them that you still think highly of their abilities, while offering a different perspective.
- The SOS Signal: Have a code with a colleague not involved in the situation that signals you need to be interrupted quickly. It’s like pulling a fire alarm without actually setting anything (or anyone) on fire. It can be something as simple as texting a specific emoji, then they call you with a “very important, urgent matter.”
Why this works: It interrupts everyone’s stress response and gives you all a moment to reset, without causing a scene or risking words that could escalate the situation further.
- The Self-Deprecating Joke: This one is a personal favorite because it employs humor, which is a natural stress killing and mood lightener. You take a jab at yourself. It has to be at yourself. “If I were any more stressed, I’d be a diamond by now! Let’s take a second to breathe and think.”
Why this works: Humor and laughter have been proven to interrupt your stress response and lower stress levels.
- The “Redirect to the Bigger Picture” Move: When in doubt… pivot. Redirect the conversation to the bigger goals you’re both working towards. This helps remind both of you why you’re here can make those nitpicky details seem less powerful. “Hey, I get this is a hard to deal with, but we’re both aiming for that successful project launch, right? Let’s stay focused on that.”
Why this works: It’s easy to get lost in the details, but a focus on the real goal can make the minutia more bearable. Developing emotional intelligence in business is all about not losing sight of the big picture, even when you’re in the weeds.
