When my dad passed away unexpectedly in 2017, all I could think about were glazed doughnuts.
My dad loved them so much that his children nicknamed him Homer, after Homer Simpson. I (lovingly) lobbied to have a thought bubble with “Mmmm… doughnuts…” etched into his headstone.
The first signs of laughter from each of my siblings came when I reminded them of how ridiculous our dad could be.
I recalled the traumatic year of 1985, when Coca-Cola changed their formula and our father nearly died then. Or, the consistent presence of a bag of peanut M&Ms on his dashboard to allow the sun to warm them to the perfect temperature. His love of buffets was unmatched, and the reason to this day I cannot eat at them.
Thankfully, we can all laugh now about the threat of the giant garbage bag that he would put all of our stuff in if we didn’t clean our rooms.
And, I still recall his gift to me when I graduated from college: he gave me card with a $20 bill inside that read, “You’re off the payroll. Love, Dad.”
Humor and laughter have saved me in some of my darkest and most stressful moments. It has also allowed me to make peace with difficult circumstances and relationships.
I use it to diffuse stressful situations, maintain my sanity, help others feel less anxious or stressed out, or get my point across when it’s confusing or serious.
I’ve also used it as defense and coping mechanisms.
Most of all, I have learned that humor is consistent cure for stress and overwhelm.
Humor Is a Release Valve for Your Stress
Laughing is like taking a deep breath and bringing everything back down to earth.
The point of finding humor when nothing seems funny isn’t to make the pain go away or avoid confronting a problem, but rather to use humor as a coping mechanism that helps you clear your mind and lessen your stress.
Research has shown that finding something funny and laughter cause a cascade of biological changes in the brain and body. It:
- Releases “feel good” hormones that reduce tension.
- Lowers blood pressure and boosts your immune system.
- Causes the pituitary gland to release its own opiates, which suppress pain.
- Dramatically reduces your cortisol level, which is chronically high when you are burned out.
- Increases the oxygen supply to your brain, which improves your mental performance.
Find Humor Will Help You Become Resilient
“How can you laugh at that?”
A friend asked me that after listening to me tell a story about embarrassing myself in a meeting. “I would have died,’ she said.
Well, I might have too, if I didn’t have a sense of humor about myself.
People who have access to their sense of humor in the midst of stress are much more resilient than those who don’t.
This means they are emotionally more flexible and can bend without breaking in the midst of difficult circumstances. Their mental flexibility helps block negative emotions and allows them to think clearer when
solving a problem. They are more focused on the facts, not their emotions.
To benefit from humor as a coping mechanism and build resilience, they have actively used their sense of humor when dealing with the hassles and stresses in life.
Also, having a sense of humor about yourself also helps you to see yourself more objectively. This can make you less defensive and more cooperative.
Why Nothing Seems Funny When You’re Burned Out or Stressed Out
It’s hard to let go when you’re stressed out. Your body has activated your nervous system to tell it to be “on guard” and look for threats or danger. And, when you’re stress response is activated it is telling your body to only do what is necessary to survive. It doesn’t see laughter or humor as essential.
Stress also blocks your ability to see the world around you clearly because it is biased toward negative thinking. When you encounter a difficult situation, your mind automatically begins to participate in a negative feedback loop. And, the stress-induced hormones that are flooding your brain make it harder to control your distorted, negative thinking.
Over time, your brain has established patterns and habits when you encounter an obstacle, a difficult situation, or something upsetting. When it’s stressed out, it immediately initiates these processes without you consciously knowing. It’s just easier – when your brain is stressed, it just wants to do what is easier.
Build Your Mental Humor Muscle
You can make a mental shift to find something funny and laugh.
When I was severely burned out, I found it nearly impossible to laugh. Nothing was funny. At some point, I realized that part of the reason I felt so bad is because I had shut off an important relief valve.
I began to find my humor again when I focused on finding the funny around me. It was there all along, but it was blocked by my negative outlook and negative self-talk.
I started by building an awareness to my negative thinking and changing the conversation in my head. My negative self-talk involved a lot of catastrophizing, blaming, perfectionism, and saying I “should” do something. I had become a master at making a big deal out of minor problems.
Then, I gave myself permission to laugh – laugh at myself, my mistakes, and stressful situations. I laughed at the sarcastic thoughts that were popping in my head and, eventually, began to share them again.
The more you practice finding things funny, the more you will see funny and allow yourself to relish the ridiculous. This is because you are letting down your mental filter, which is constantly saying “that’s not funny” or “it’s too soon to find humor there.”
The more amusing and humorous life becomes, the more natural challenges of life don’t seem quite so overwhelming.
Tips to help you find your funny bone:
- Research: Find a comedian and the type of comedy that makes you laugh. You might have to watch (or listen) to a lot of different kinds of comedy on the internet to figure this out. While I have always known old Saturday Night Live skits will make me laugh, I’m always on the lookout for new comedians.
- Share: Share humor and laughter with others. Laughter is contagious. Another person’s laughter can also help reduce your own stress and laugh more than you might have on your own. Sharing laughter helps you bond with other people and deepen relationships.
- Create a File: Create a funny playlist of videos and watch them during a morning or afternoon break. Don’t wait until you are stressed out to open this file. I have developed a habit of watching funny dog videos whenever I’m bored to keep me in a humorous and light headspace!
- Funny Friends: Make humor a requirement of those in your support network. Regularly spend time with a friend that makes you laugh.
