I suffer from “I’ll Start on Monday” Syndrome. I put off tasks, goals, decisions until the following Monday. More often than not, that special Monday doesn’t come – if it does at all – until the next month, year, or decade.
This happens most often with things that require effort and could come with a helping of failure.
The eventual outcome is that I feel stuck and frustrated with myself.
The most recent example – and by recent, I mean this has been going on now for years – is swearing up and down that I finally figure out an organization system that will keep my desk organized.
Every once in a while, I’ll get a sudden impulse to clear off my desk, but that’s only because I am procrastinating something else, I don’t want to do.
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When You Feel Stuck In The Maze of Life
There is something particularly frustrating about feeling stuck. And, I think it is because we feel like we either have too many choices or none at all. There is no in between. Both of those options are overwhelming because there is often no answer that provides us with the definite, positive outcome we desire. Our brains crave certainty, and panic at the unknown.
This is particularly scary while navigating through that maze called life.
Life is like a maze because you can:
- Make a wrong choice that will lead to a dead end.
- You could get lost entirely.
- Find the process of getting where you want to go could be a distressing one.
- Be forced to go back to the beginning and start all over again periodically.
- Figure out where you are going before you start your journey through the maze.
Because we don’t want to make the wrong choice or it seems like too much effort, we sit down in the middle of that maze (feel stuck) unable to figure out a path forward.
Here’s what I know about getting unstuck and moving forward: if you can start moving forward an inch at a time, you are more likely to generate enough energy to keep going.
Motivation and momentum don’t come when we are sitting still. And I don’t just mean physically sitting still, but mentally as well.
The Approach-Avoidance Conflict
Now, stick with me.
When you and I feel stuck, something called “Approach-Avoidance Conflict” can happen. It’s that little dance you do in your head when you are binging a show on television.
“I need to get up.”
“But I don’t want to.”
“I want to be productive.”
“But it will take too much time and energy.”
“I have so much to do.”
“Meh. I’ll do it later.”
This debate goes all the way back to our caveman and woman ancestors. You think they woke up everyday pumped to hunt down their next meal?
Approach-Avoidance Conflict happens when we have the urge to do something, then contemplate the work or effort involved, as well as, the possibility of failure. More often than not, you don’t do the thing that you had the fleeting urge to accomplish.
A lot of us will try to push past this sluggishness and make ourselves start on this big, overwhelming goal. Then, collapse in heap of guilt and frustration.
What to Do Instead
What science is showing us about stuckness is that we need to cut our dreams into smaller, more attainable pieces. I’m not saying you need to shoot for smaller goals, rather you are better off and more likely to succeed when you do less, take smaller steps to achieve your wildest dreams.
This is especially true when you are overwhelmed. I can’t tell you the number of times I have sworn up-and-down I am going to read an entire novel, organize closets, clear clutter, and solve all of the world’s problems when my husband goes out of town for a few days.
My mind sees his absence as an opportunity to be ridiculously productive. But, what do I inevitably end up doing? Nothing. Nada. Zero. Then, I’m mad at myself for being “lazy.”
Talk about setting myself up to get stuck…
Planning is Kryptonite to Stuckness
Here’s what else I know about getting unstuck and moving forward: you need a plan. Even if the goal is to just clean your toilet, your brain needs a plan for how it is going to get done.
The reason most of us don’t reach our goals or stick to our New Years resolutions is because we don’t have a plan for how to get it done. So, we don’t end up doing anything and stay… stuck.
Let’s go back to my “I’ll Start on Monday” Syndrome. The cure for this debilitating condition is planning. When I have fully fleshed out a goal by breaking it down into smaller steps, it’s harder for me to avoid making progress.
For example, if I’ve decided I’ll start eating healthier on Monday, it helps to know what it means to eat healthier, create a menu, and go grocery shopping by the end of Sunday. It’s a lot harder to start a healthy eating plan when I don’t know what that means and haven’t stocked healthier ingredients in my pantry.
Planning for and removing obvious obstacles is the secret successful people use to get unstuck or prevent getting jammed in the first place. Can you plan for everything? No. But consider that the universe’s cruel little joke on all of us.
You know why this usually works? Because you are removing that fear of the unknown and uncertainty, as well as, reducing the possibility of failure.
Prove this theory to your Stuck Self by figuring out a small goal. Let’s say you want to start journaling every night. Without a plan for how to make this happen, it will likely look like you rummaging through drawers at 9 p.m. to find an empty notebook and a pen that works. If you come up empty handed, you can’t journal. Or, if you finally do find a notebook, the urge to write down your thoughts may have passed you by.
Success is likely to happen if you:
- Decide on a specific time to journal each day.
- Set a reminder on your calendar or phone to journal.
- Show up to your journaling appointment prepared with a notebook and pen.
- Keep your journal and a pen in the same place so you can find it each day.
Each of these steps has removed an excuse and an obstacle from your dream of world domination via a journal.
When You Feel Stuck, Call On Your Support System
Here’s third thing I know about getting unstuck and moving forward: you need support. Having a support system can turn on a lot of lights when your path through the maze takes you through dark places. Creating a support system removes a lot of fear and loneliness, replacing those things with wisdom and encouragement.
Why do you think “phone a friend” was an option on the game show “Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?”? And, in case you didn’t notice, most of the time the friend didn’t have the answer. What they supplied was the courage and confidence in a scary, unsettling moment.
The moral of the story: don’t do life alone. This doesn’t mean you need to get married or be surrounded by a gaggle of people. It means you need to have a few trusted souls to uplift you in your time of need. And, you, do the same in return.
It’s How You Handle That Stuckness That Matters
Our journey through this maze of life is a complicated one. You get no argument from me on that. And, we’re all going to get stuck from time-to-time.
It’s how you handle that stuckness that matters.
You are less likely to remain stuck, make bad choices, or get lost by taking smaller, more mindful steps forward.
