I want to end the discussion around self-care. I have a love-hate relationship with the idea of self-care. As it’s discussed these days… I hate it. So, I want to call B.S. on it.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely think you should be taking care of yourself. However, the way the internet and social media have twisted and turned it, self-care has morphed into something unrealistic and unrecognizable. Especially, if you are burned out.
When you are burned out, the first thing people suggest are concepts centered around self-care.
“You should get more sleep.”
“You should take a vacation.”
“You should learn to meditate.”
It’s not wrong, but it usually only makes you feel worse because your mind and emotions are not in a place to practice self-care as its known today.
Your brain is on fire and not a calm enough to do those things in a meaningful way yet.
I would encourage you to work on Self-Restoration instead.
What Is Self-Restoration?
When you are exhausted, stressed-out, or overwhelmed, you are no longer yourself and are not functioning properly. And, if you have put your body and mind through chronic stress and trauma for months or years on end, you have done some damage that needs to be repaired and restored.
In burnout, you don’t feel like yourself and you find yourself continually saying, “I just want to feel like myself again.”
I like the word “restoration” because it is a more accurate representation of what needs to happen in burnout recovery.
It also reflects the idea that you need to rebuild yourself. And, you have a choice. You can restore and rebuild yourself into the person you were before you burned out. Or, you can restore yourself into a new version of you that is stronger, smarter, and more aware.
When people restore an antique or an old house, they don’t change the bones or the personality of the object or house. They maintain it’s integrity, but improve its structure and appearance so that it can stand tall for many years to come.
Restoring yourself doesn’t mean you change everything about yourself, it means that you save the best parts, then nurture and take care of them so you can stand tall for many years to come.
How Does One Restore Themselves?
You Restore yourself in steps. Think about all of the Restoration projects you have done (or watched). They happen in steps, right?
Step 1: You need to stop. (You can drop and roll if you want, but I don’t think you are physically on fire. Just mentally.)
You need to unplug yourself from the world around you for a bit (even 10 minutes!) so you can center yourself. Turn off your phone, close your computer, turn off of the T.V., and shut down the noise around you so you can think.
The dings from your electronics, the voices in your head, and the commotion around you can often seem or feel like yelling and it can get – loud, distracting.
Step 2: Ask yourself – what do you want in this moment? Do you want people to leave you alone? Do you want a nap? Are you hungry? Whatever that is, give it to yourself. Hang a “Do Not Disturb Sign” on your door for 10 minutes. Sit in your chair with your eyes closed for 5 minutes. Get a snack or have lunch.
Too often, we delay what it is that we really need in that moment because we just want to finish something. Or, we think we don’t have time. Or, we tell ourselves we can have that thing (quiet, rest, food, etc.) after we finish whatever it is we are doing.
Basically, you are punishing yourself and making yourself resentful toward both work and rest because you have turned rest into the unattainable reward and work into the penalty that has to be completed just to get a drink of water.
Step 3: Use this moment of clarity to put things into perspective. Broadening your perspective on what it means to rest or relax. Rest and relaxation don’t always mean that you need to sleep, get a massage, or do yoga. Rest and relaxation can also include working on your hobby, calling a friend for a laugh, or jamming in your car to music while eating a pint of ice cream.
These Restoration and rebuilding opportunities accumulate and build on each other. You will get stronger, find more clarity, and feel rested. Over time, you will Restore your brain to handle longer forms and/or quieter forms of rest and relaxation.
I Get Tired Of Hearing “Anyone Can Meditate”
The idea behind Self-Restoration is acknowledging what makes you feel better and doing more of that. It’s also losing the pressure to conform to what other people think rest and relaxation should look like.
I get tired of hearing “anyone can meditate.” While that may be true, that may not be the best match for someone who struggles with anxiety or getting their racing thoughts to slow down.
When you are burned out, your brain is different. Chronic stress changes your brain and has strained it in a way that you aren’t able to function as you normally might when its time to rest or relax. In burnout, you are in a different state of mind that does not match the mindset of someone who isn’t stressed out. You have to take different steps – and extra steps – to get to a place where you feel comfortable enough to slow down.
Going from 1000 mph to 0 mph is a shock to your system and you begin to feel nervous and anxious all over again. The complete absence of activity can make someone stress out and reignite their cycle of productivity in a way that is more damaging.
If you can learn to go from 1000 mph to 900 mph, your system will find that more acceptable and you won’t feel as much anxiety for doing less. In fact, you may not even notice it because there is still movement and productivity as far as your brain is concerned.
Eventually, you will be going 900 mph and will step down to 800 mph, and so on. You are getting your mind and body used to doing less and/or doing things differently slowly, rather than shocking it.
And with each step you are Restoring yourself. You are healing parts of yourself and creating new paths in your brain that put out the fire burnout makes you feel mentally and emotionally.
Try This
I have created a Self-Restoration ritual to myself in “the mood” to slow down.
If I am ready to wind down for the day, I tell myself this is coming by turning off electronics. Then, I wash my face and brush my teeth. Finally, I rub some lotion into my hands. All of this signals to my brain that it is getting closer to bedtime and I need to slow my roll.
What signals can you send to your brain that you want to rest or relax?
