The average American adult holds around seven grudges at any given time.
To that, I say, “Hold my beer.” I can hold a lot more than that.
Whether it’s an idea, a person, a belief, a situation – letting go is not one of my strong suits.
I hang on by holding a grudge, sometimes I want fix it, and other times I can’t get past a mistake.
(Mostly, I hold a grudge.)
As an older (and sometimes wiser) adult, I understand the importance of letting go of something that doesn’t add value to my life. I know that holding on causes stress and drains my energy. I know that it’s a needless obstacle that I can remove because… I put it there.
Part of my burnout recovery experience was figuring out how to deal with the truckload of resentment and guilt I had amassed because of untethered perfectionism and people-pleasing.
I spent years fixing this mindset and still work on it today.
When I finally let go and was ready to move on, I entered a weird period where I couldn’t quite figure out what I was supposed to do next.
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What Are You Supposed to Do After Letting Go?
The obvious answer is: Move on! Go forward! Be happy!
After I let go of my feelings of perfectionism and people-pleasing, I remember thinking, “Okay, what do I do next?”
It’s like I had all this time and energy that needed another purpose. If I wasn’t going to spend my days gaslighting myself, worrying non-stop, or making sure everyone else was comfortable – what the hell was I was supposed to do?
So many of us find ourselves in this period of limbo where we have let go of something, but we haven’t grasped on yet to the thing that will help us move on or move forward.
It’s also the perfect opportunity to build mental strength and resilience.
Move On from Limbo Stage to a Growth and Rebuilding Stage
This limbo period feels like you’re standing in an empty room after a breakup, staring at the spot where the couch used to be. It’s uncomfortable, sure — but also full of possibility.
That space? It’s yours to fill now. Instead of rushing to cram it with something — anything — sit with it. Give yourself permission to breathe and be uncomfortable.
Instead of lingering in this limbo phase, you can focus on your growth so that you can rebuild yourself with purpose.
Ask yourself:
- What growth do you want to experience?
- What growth is possible now?
- What have you learned about yourself?
- What is your ideal next step?
- What have you been neglecting that deserves your attention?
Letting go of my perfectionism and people-pleasing meant that I could feel real connections with others, find satisfaction and happiness with myself, and experience new opportunities.
Rebuilding with Purpose
You can turn this newfound energy into meaningful action.
When I stopped saying yes to everyone and everything, I realized I had a lot of energy and time. At first, I panicked. I’d spent years ignoring myself and my needs or telling myself I was too busy to do the things I loved. So, I started small: I read books for fun and tried new things like foods, workouts, and hobbies.
Structure your rebuilding around:
- Clarity: Identifying what matters most to you now.
- Experimentation: Trying things without any expectations.
- Reclaiming Your Time: Making your needs a priority for the time that’s available to you.
Using this structure gives you something to walk toward.
The reason so many of us get stuck in the limbo phase or can’t finish the process of letting go is because we don’t have something else to look forward to. We’re stuck focusing on the past, instead of making plans for and focusing on our future.
A Few Things to Consider About Letting Go and Moving On
- Letting go and moving on is considered setting a boundary.
- Letting go and moving on is being true to yourself.
- Letting go means you learned a lesson.
- It takes courage to let go and move on.
- It’s healthy to let go of and move on from anything that doesn’t add value to your life.
And remember, when you let go of something, you’re not losing – you’re making space to win.
