Sometimes, it just feels like everything’s going wrong and the world is conspiring against you.
In the span of a few hours, you hurt your back just sitting down to pee, you get a message from a client that has decided to drop you, and your hairdryer stops working when you’re only halfway done drying your hair.
Welcome to a morning of mine just a few months ago.
By 9 a.m., I wanted to go back to bed.
But, I didn’t. I kept going and relied on my resilience to power me through what was clearly going to be a rough day.
The Secret of Women Who Never Give Up
I’m going to tell you a secret: you need to build resilience.
Resilience is your ability to bounce back from setbacks and to keep going through difficult situations.
You’re a woman and, truth be told, the world is conspiring against you these days. You experience setbacks and are forced to go through difficult situations just for being female.
There are unrealistic societal standards about how you should look and behave that you’re being held to without you knowing or even wanting to aspire to them. There are sexist expectations regarding your ability to do or handle challenging work. There are obstacles thrown in your way that are far more subtle – like emotional labor – that are meant to take you out of the game.
The secret of women who never give up is that they have built resilience that helps fuel their mental strength and motivation.
Resilience’s Bestie Is Courage
A wise woman once said, “Fuck this shit.” And she lived happily ever after.
I wish I had listened to this wise woman earlier in life.
Building resilience takes courage and my younger self didn’t have a lot of it.
Just like resilience, having courage means you continue to move forward despite adversity. It doesn’t mean you don’t feel pain, you aren’t angry, or you aren’t scared – it means you put those things aside long enough to show up for yourself.
Resilience soon takes over to keep you motivated and confident.
As I have matured and have learned to think for myself, I have learned to build and find courage in more creative spaces that allow me to show courage in larger, more complicated situations.
Along the way, I also built resilience. That resilience is what kept me coming back for more even when I failed in the past.
Resilience Is Like a Set of Earplugs
Resilience keeps you from hearing the negativity or paying attention to it. It helps you ignore the naysayers and doubt that could keep you from achieving your goals.
Here are strategies that will help you plug your ears and build your resilience:
- Focus on Lessons. Instead of focusing on what’s gone wrong, look at what you can learn from the situation. Whether it’s learning a new skill or learning something about yourself, you can learn so much more when we experience setbacks or make mistakes.
- Talk it out. When you fail or make a mistake, it’s natural to want to hide or go back to bed. But, talking it out with a trusted friend, family member, or colleague can keep you from ruminating, blaming yourself, or obsessing over the situation. Talking to others can keep you from building things up in your mind so you stay level-headed.
- Practice self-love and compassion. Appreciate yourself and all you do. Give yourself some grace when you are hurt or upset. You’re human and have feelings that deserve to be acknowledged.
- Maintain a positive mindset. Your brain loves problems and negativity. It looks for them – even when there aren’t any to found. It does this because it is trying to protect you from threats and pain. Unfortunately, this can lead to negative and pessimistic thinking. Especially, when things aren’ t going your way. When something goes wrong, you need a strong dose of positivity and the ability to redirect your brain away from negative thinking. Make it a point to look for the positive.
- Resolve conflicts. Unresolved conflicts fester and spoil in our minds, leading to more stress. Clear the air as soon as possible to prevent things from developing into bigger issues later. Besides unresolved conflicts take up mental emotional bandwidth that could be used toward your goals.
- Step out of your comfort zone and face your fears. Stepping out of your comfort zone and facing your fears isn’t easy, but it will help you build more mental strength and confidence as you realize how much more you are capable of. The more you do this, more resilient you will become.
- Forgive yourself. If you’ve made a mistake or failed at something, you know that voice in your head that chimes to blame you. Beating yourself up won’t resolve anything or make anything better. So, forgive yourself. Remind yourself that you are capable.
- Take a break. Breaks allow you to step away and rest, so that you can continue to perform at your best. They also allow you to build resilience. Breaks give you some distance from a situation, which can help you be more objective. They can also interrupt your stress response, so that you can lower your stress levels and their impact.
- Embrace change. For most of us, change is stressful because of the unknown. Any level of change requires you to be resilient and step up to a challenge. Since fighting against change causes more stress, learning to accept it will help you build resilience to manage the choppy waters.
- Learn from the past. Take note of what strategies have worked or not worked in the past when you are in a tough spot. This helps you build resilience because it helps you avoid what doesn’t work and more mistakes or stress.
- Take time for hobbies and interests. Hobbies and interests in activities outside of work help you maintain balance and blow off steam and stress. These activities also release endorphins – the hormone associated with happiness. The happier you are, the better you’ll be able to deal with challenges and setbacks.
