At one point in my life, I was usually first in line to hear hot gossip.
(Or, as my nieces might say: the hot goss.)
It’s not a trait I am proud of, but finding out who slept with whom, who wore what, or who showed up to work smelling like a strip club, absolutely fascinated me. I wasn’t as interested in sharing the information I obtained, as I was just hearing about it.
These days, thankfully, the scoop I’m most interested in is usually a helpful or juicy tidbit of professional information.
I’m not the only one! As a social species, our cognitive systems are set up to seek information about the people around us.
All of us participate gossip – either sharing it or listening to it – at some point in our day. The average person spends 52 minutes participating in some form of gossip.
While gossip can sometimes be the glue in social bonds, it often ends up being the sneaky stressor we didn’t account for in our daily lives.
Why We Gossip
Most researchers define gossip as talking about someone who isn’t present and sharing information that isn’t widely known.
Most people like to ‘chew the fat’ because it provides a sense of control or power. They possess what they perceive to be secret information. The power comes from being seen as “in the know” when it comes to the latest news or information about others. Gossips display this power by sharing (gossiping) to others, which also reinforces their ego.
People like to hear gossip because it can be entertaining, but provide a sense of relief that they are not experiencing the same calamities. Or, if they are in a similar situation, it provides some insight into how another person is handling things and their outcome.
Other reasons we gossip:
- To combat loneliness and maintain social ties.
- Process difficult situations and information.
- Serve as a check on people’s moral behavior, deterring others from making a mistake.
- A way to figure out unwritten rules, what is socially acceptable and what is not.
Good vs. Bad Gossip
Generally, gossip has a negative connotation, especially when it is purely harmful and serves no greater purpose than to hurt someone. (Ex.: Mean comments about how someone looks.) In these situations, no one is learning anything or benefitting.
Gossip isn’t necessarily negative. It can also be positive and neutral. A 2019 study revealed that of the 52 minutes a day on average the 467 subjects spent gossiping, three-quarters of that gossip was actually neutral. Only around 15% was deemed negative.
Positive gossip can help promote cooperation by spreading important information. It can be helpful to get information about people, from others, when the environment is too big to observe by ourselves. For example, networking to increase your professional reach, means you are often asking others for helpful, true facts about another person that can help you engage on a higher level. (Ex.: Tell me how this person was involved in Project A.)
Neutral gossip helps us build friendships, community, and learn information that helps us operate in the environment we work or live in. Neutral gossip is more like chitchat or someone providing facts, such as “she’s taking a longer lunch today to fit in an errand.” Or, “he’s out sick today.”
Dishing the Dirt Stresses You Out
It’s in our evolutionary nature to spill the tea. But, when the tea is too hot it can fire up your stress response, leaving you burned, exhausted, and worried. Even if you find the chatter interesting or helpful.
Gossip can activate and/or keep stress levels high because it riles up your emotions and change your mood. It can stick in your head long after the information is shared, keeping you in a heightened emotional state.
Whether you are the blabbermouth or simply there to get the scoop, gossip spikes your adrenaline, which in turn, spikes cortisol. (Cortisol = stress hormone.) Both increase when we are retelling a painful or exciting story, a stressful event or outcome, or from hoping the gossip or rumor doesn’t get traced back to you.
People who engage in constant gossip may experience panic attacks or guilt because of the emotional rollercoaster that gossip takes them on. It can change the way you see yourself, your job, the people close to you, and set up a toxic environment.
There’s a reason it has been said that “Those who gossip with you, will later gossip about you.”
Stress due to gossip can also come from:
- Erosion of trust and morale
- Lost productivity
- Divisiveness among colleagues or friends
- Hurt feelings and reputations
So, if someone doesn’t have something nice to say, do you still want them to sit next to you?
