It’s hard to identify what is no longer serving you.
The idea of letting go of things or people who you may have outgrown can be scary.
A few years ago, I reconnected with one of my very best friends in college. We stayed close through our 20s, but “broke up” when her boyfriend decided he didn’t like me very much.
You know how love goes when you’re young and in love – the boyfriend won.
It was upsetting and heartbreaking at the time. I felt betrayed and left behind. Deep down, I hoped she would change her mind and things would go back to “normal.”
About 15 years passed, and this friend reached out. She had long since broken up with that boyfriend after she finally figured out, he was controlling and abusive. She had gone on to marry her perfect match, had a couple of kids, and made a few career changes. She missed our friendship and I, admittedly, really did too.
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We met for lunch and I think we both expected things to pick up right where we left off. I remember getting ready to meet her, and I was full of excitement and looking forward to sharing the details of our time apart.
However, the moment I sat down, I knew our friendship wasn’t going to recover.
Still, I tried. Our lunch kicked off regular texting, meet-ups, and many glasses of wine.
But, I was over it. I began to dread having to respond to her texts, getting together, and felt as though our time together just drained me.
The last time we met up, I somehow found the courage to rip off the band-aid and admit this wasn’t working. That I didn’t feel that same connection with her and that I felt like we were trying to force a close friendship.
I realized this no longer served me.
And, it sucked.
Letting Go of Life Clutter
Recognizing and letting go of what no longer serves you is crucial for personal growth and happiness. It’s so easy as we cruise along in life for us to accumulate “clutter” – not just physical things, but emotional, professional, and personal.
While it may not seem like a big deal to keep certain people around, or you feel as if you don’t have a choice but to participate in certain obligations, the things that no longer serve you can prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Let’s use clothing as an example.
How many of you have drawers full of old t-shirts that represent who you were a decade or two ago? What about the pants hanging in your closet that are three sizes too small? You work from home now, but are still hanging on to a collection of suits, panty hose, and high heels “just in case.”
Dude. I get it. Those t-shirts are full of memories! But they are taking up space – physically and mentally – that you need to create new ones. Part of you still wants to be that person you were when you acquired those shirts. With those old t-shirts there, you still look for opportunities to be that person instead of looking forward for new experiences.
A lot of weight to put on some shirts, I know.
Quitters Are Big Winners Here
What gets in the way of so many letting go of what no longer serves you, is the word “quit.” It’s a loaded word that often keeps you from taking necessary action because the act of quitting makes you feel like you gave up, you didn’t try hard enough, or you aren’t good enough.
The problem with thinking that way, is that it prevents you from seeing the truth – that something may no longer be working.
I have found through my own burnout experience, as well as coaching many others through theirs, that we are hanging on to a lot of things that no longer serve us. And, it’s stressing you out.
When you feel obligated to do something, maintain a relationship with someone, or keep something that is more work to uphold than it’s actually worth to your daily life, your body knows you are forcing it and it’s required to find the energy to support you.
What if you quit what’s not working and used all of that energy to pursue something that makes you feel good and fulfilled?
How Do You Know What Is No Longer Serving You?
Here are six signs that it may be time to let go of what is no longer serving you:
- You just know. Call it intuition or a gut feeling, but you often know when something feels wrong or off. Sometimes it shows up as an emotional reaction, and other times it’s physical. You might get that pit in your stomach feeling, feelings of dread or exhaustion.
- You dread doing it. As it gets closer to the time when you need to do something or spend time with someone, you desperately want to skip it or cancel. This is where the stress comes in because you often spend hours dreading it and focusing on unhappy thoughts.
- It no longer brings you joy or it has lost its meaning. Not everything you do in life is meaningful or makes you happy, but when the pain outweighs the benefits, it’s probably time to reconsider that project, person, or commitment.
- You procrastinate. When you look for a distraction to avoid doing something, that could be sign that something isn’t right.
- You dream of a future without it. When you think about your future, is this behavior, work, or person in it? If your dream doesn’t include these things, that’s a clear sign that it’s not serving you.
- It makes you feel bad about yourself. A job or a relationship can be toxic or just a mismatch when it is continually making you feel bad about yourself, doubt your abilities, or you are continually giving more than you are receiving.
What on this list resonated with you? Why?
Is Letting Go Possible?
One of my burnout recovery mantras was signing the chorus from the movie, Frozen. As soon as that moment of doubt occurred, I would bust out into song in my mind. “Let it go! Let it go!”
For me, that phrase means freedom.
I understand that we get comfortable with situations, work, and people that no longer serve our needs. And, it’s hard to let go. That connection is predictable. However, the truth is, that letting go doesn’t mean you’re quitting – it means you open yourself up to new opportunities and people that give you energy, confidence, and happiness.
There are three key things that will help you let go of what no longer serves you:
- Accept the situation. You now understand that something no longer resonates with your life. Although you are attached to it, that person/obligation/thing is no longer a match at this time in your life.
- Forgive yourself and others. While you are letting go, you may experience feelings of guilt or shame. Try to remind yourself that you did the best you could at the time. Or, if someone has hurt you, forgive them. It doesn’t excuse their actions, but releases your attachment to their actions and allows you to move on.
- Trust that better things will come. When you let go of something, a void is left behind. It can be hard to trust that something better, something that fits you perfectly will come your way. But letting go creates that space, time, energy, and attention when that better “thing” comes along.
