It was all my fault. The whole thing. I should have just said no. But, I didn’t. I said yes because I am a glutton for punishment and busy work.
I have spent years removing remnants of busy work and hustle culture from my life in an effort to reduce my stress and have control over my time. I preach to all of you how important it is to have boundaries and only do things that match your priorities.
So, why the hell did I say yes to a project full of busy work? What was I thinking?
Before I wrote this email, I had a whole conversation in the mirror with myself about why this happened and what I need to do to fix it.
Here’s My Excuse
In a moment of weakness, I needed to be needed.
I have been taking a break from volunteer work this year. It’s a good opportunity to check in with my priorities, the organizations that I have been involved with, and most of all just give myself a needed break.
I am also adjusting to taking care of my mom while balancing two businesses, a husband, and four very, very spoiled rescue dogs. They are very spoiled.
Lately, I have been feeling like a bum because I haven’t been giving back in the hands-on manner I am used to. When a friend called and said she needed some help with a few things that were clearly busy work – I completely forgot I had active boundaries around this and jumped into my people pleasing suit. (That suit shouldn’t fit anymore…)
As I was discussing this with my mirror, I realized:
I Missed The Validation of Busy Work
I have missed being that “Go To Person Who Will Help You With Anything.” You can miss a part of your personality that drove you nuts, ya know. Even though being the person who would always help in a pinch drove me into the ground, I still miss the rewarding validation when I delivered.
Being this way always made me feel like I was in high demand. And, I used this false sense of being in demand as validation of my work and character. The problem was that most of this demand was busy work – emailing, getting involved in drama, making phone calls, and/or pumping up someone else’s ego or self-esteem. This kind of work isn’t meaningful, purposeful, or emblematic of my true talents.
I wanted to be recognized for my talent. Instead, I was known for being a push-over.
It was nice feeling that sense of demand for five minutes or so.
What Busy Work Actually Is
When you are doing busy work, you allow others to control your time and energy. You allow someone else to dictate your priorities.
This isn’t your fault. You get that busyness “honor badge” without even trying.
You live in a world that prizes busyness, especially when it comes to work. You feel compelled to always be busy and don’t allow yourselves to be bored. What do you when you have five minutes to yourself? Look at your phone? Open social media? Check the news?
You have been trained by others to do this and feel this way. You feel like a loser if you don’t have a full, demanding schedule. People look at you like an alien if you answer “How are you?” with anything other than “So busy!”
Busy work is low-level, low-impact tasks like responding to emails and voicemails, attending non-relevant meetings, feeling compelled to respond to social media posts. It’s stuff that doesn’t really move you forward in life. If anything, it keeps you stuck.
We Do It To Ourselves
You and I – we do it to ourselves – when we say yes to work that isn’t a priority, has no value or meaning, or doesn’t serve us much of a purpose.
In general, no one makes us do busy work. We usually volunteer for it or allow it to creep into our routine.
A lot of people claim they want to be less busy and they want more balance in their lives, but few people actually have the tools or create boundaries to make room for meaningful work because:
- Unrealistic expectations – yours and other people’s
- Your company is understaffed and you don’t feel like you can say no to extra work
- Poor time management skills
- You bounce from one task to another with little focus on what is really a priority
- You just like being busy
Let’s talk about that last one: you just like being busy because busyness is often self-imposed. The people most likely to complain about being busy got into that state from their own ambition, drive, and the anxiety of what they might face in the absence of busyness. You use busyness as reassurance to hedge against emptiness. Your life doesn’t seem so meaningless if you are busy, overbooked, and in demand every hour of the day.
I started this email by admitting I fell into this exact trap!
Possibly the hardest thing for most to admit: You use busy work to avoid doing something or failing.
Why Would A Burnout Coach Care If You Love Busy Work?
Even though busy work could make you feel good or important, it could also be burning you out or keeping you there because of the false validation. So it may not be something you are considering as a problem.
Even when you know you need more work-life harmony, you need to spend more time on meaningful work, or disconnect at the end of the day – it may actually feel impossible. Tunneling happens when you’re busy running around putting out fires, answering emails, and running to back-to-back meetings. Because your time has become scarce, you put on blinders which leave you unable to see the big picture. Instead, all you can do is concentrate on the most immediate – often low value – tasks in front of you.
When you come up for air at the end of the day, you realize you haven’t really spent any time on work that matters.
This is when I often hear responses from clients like “I don’t have any choice but to do this work.” Or, “If I don’t do this, no one else will.”
When you are too busy to complete your work during work hours, you take it home with you. Even worse, you don’t see a problem with this and wear a false sense of importance and create a false sense of demand.
All of this is very stressful. Doing this day after day after day can lead to burnout.
The Opposite Of Busyness Isn’t Laziness
The opposite of busyness is purpose, choice, and prioritization.
When you are busy, you are allowing others to control your time and energy. When you prioritize one task over another, you are taking control and being purposeful.
You Owe It To Yourself To Be Bored Every Once In A While
Here are some activities that can slow down your busy work:
- Boredom and daydreaming: being bored or idle activates a wider area of our brain that helps creative thinking. Think shower thoughts.
- Deliberate rest: Engage in your hobbies and exercise to give your brain (and body) a rest from work that doesn’t have meaning.
- Flow: Block off time on your calendar to allow for “flow work” or to stay focused on one particular task.
- Socializing: When we remain social outside of work, studies show higher levels of cognitive performance. Likely because our brains have been able to rest or used in a way that we enjoy.
- Disconnecting from work: Finding ways to turn work off, allows you to truly rest. Which means you could see lower levels of procrastination, have less work-related fatigue.
Are You Ready To Get Rid Of Busy Work?
Productivity doesn’t just happen. You need to have systems and priorities in place. So consider what you want to get done, what tools you’ll need, and what a productive work environment looks like for you.
Here are four things to do to get rid of your busy work:
- Know what your job is measured on: Think about the tasks that are central to your job description and make those your priority. How do the tasks and meetings on your to-do list align with your goals and real responsibilities?
- Keep a schedule and include time to plan: Be sure to schedule structured work time along with your meetings. Block out time on your calendar once a week to plan ahead. There will always be a crisis or emergency that demands your attention, but it becomes a problem when you allow that busy to turn into busyness and control your schedule.
- Be realistic about what’s possible: Make sure your to-do list only includes the most important things you have to get done.
- Be ruthless and honest: Protect your time and energy like a hawk. Sometimes this means you have to be ruthless about saying no. We often bully ourselves into saying yes because we aren’t honest about how much time we actually have, how certain work does or doesn’t call on our talent, or we just think we are terrible people for saying no.
I Had To Make An Awkward Call
After my conversation with myself in the mirror, I called my friend and told her I wouldn’t be able to help. When I sat down with my schedule, I didn’t see a way to fit the work in without completely stressing myself out. I suggested a few other people she could call for help and a virtual assistant that might be a better fit than her friends.
Then, I sat down and made a list of things currently on my plate that will bring me meaningful validation and fulfillment.
I didn’t need to be needed. I needed to check myself.
