This struggle was real, so I gave it a name: Email and Voicemail Evadus Extremus.
If you have ever sent me an email or left me a voicemail that I did not return: I’m sorry.
I have a condition I call Email and Voicemail Evadus Extremus.
It’s a real thing, I swear.
It’s a combination of Emailpocalypse Syndrome (open Inbox to far more emails than you can handle) and Notification Nausea (too many things are trying to capture my attention, so I shut down and pay attention to nothing).
Unfortunately, there’s no cure for me.
Most attempts to check emails and voicemails result in heart palpitations, sweaty palms, nervous stomach (that’s what my mom called diarrhea,) and/or an electronic device breaking.
I used to look forward to messages from my friends, like two family members, and co-workers who offered to buy lunch.
At one point, when I had checked my email too often, Microsoft Outlook sent a prompt saying, “No one is looking for you. Get back to work, Nerd.”
WHAT CHANGED ME
Checking voicemails and emails developed into an anxiety-filled task when I became a business owner.
It’s been going on for more than 16 years and likely stems from the fear of receiving emails with bad news, having to disappoint someone, or someone disappointing me. It felt like every day I was bracing myself for some kind of negative consequence.
I wasn’t being punished, but my perfectionist and people pleasing mindset sure made displeasure or disappointment from others feel like I was getting stabbed with every subject line.
INSERT CLUE #1 THAT BURNOUT WAS INEVITABLE
Part of my 7-day a week routine consisted of showing up to work at 5:30 a.m. to relieve the overnight employee, get the kind of work done that didn’t tolerate interruption, and putting on my suit of armor.
The business opened at 7 a.m.. (In spite of clearly posted hours of operation, customers would start knocking on the front door at 6:30 a.m. to drop off their pets. Does that happen at Target? Do people bang on Target’s front doors demanding they open 30 minutes early?)
If the phone rang before opening or the Voicemail Light of Doom was blinking when I arrived, it was usually an employee calling in sick for their 7 a.m. shift or a customer with a “crisis” they needed to make my emergency. Any non-promotional email sent between 10 p.m.-5 a.m. was usually an employee quitting without notice or a client complaining. FYI: Even the IRS knows to deliver bad news during normal, 9-5 business hours.
Answering the phone, checking voicemails and emails became a game I called “Who Is Going to Crap On Me Today?”
At the time, I had not done the math to determine how anxiety contributed to feeling tired and burned out. I attributed my feelings to my constant frustration with employees and their inability to be responsible, respectful human beings. (My feelings about employees may be a 20-part blog series.) On a deeper level, I’m sure I felt disrespected in the moment.
I DON’T WANT TO MISS A CALL FROM MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY
The trepidation of answering the phone, checking voicemails and emails is still a feeling I can’t seem to completely shake. Even though I have drastically improved my coping mechanisms, changed the way I think about employees and nagging clients, and have become a more organized, realistic person that gets more sleep.
There are pieces of my old, burned out self that may remain singed to my ass forever.
I did feel vindicated when I found “voicemail anxiety” as an entry in UrbanDictionary.com.
Searching for other people who found checking email and voicemail traumatizing for whatever reason provided some relief.
I even tried changing my ring tone to a catchy song from the 70s, or hyping myself up that I could be missing a message from Matthew McConaughey.
The most helpful, was accepting people gotta communicate with me somehow. Then, changing my mindset about what deserves enough energy to cause a reaction.
People are going to call and write with bad, inconvenient news that turns my day or life upside down. If I don’t want to hear it, I should ignore messages from my mom.
